“… He ordered them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the promise of the Father,…”
Acts 1:4 ESV
When I started dating my now husband, I did not know that he was an unbeliever. I knew that he grew up attending Catholic school and that his parents were devout Catholics. Having grown up around that faith I was sure that Catholicism was not what God called me into. However, I assumed that although the practices may differ the devotion to Christ is largely the same. I was still fairly new to Christianity and was not yet living in all the ways that display a life submitted to Christ. Not because I was not deeply devoted to Him but because I simply knew so little and was at the beginning of my sanctification journey (Romans 6:17). Despite my lack of experience, I was aware that the bible says not to be “unequally yoked with unbelievers” (2 Corin 6:14). The night he told me he was an atheist took me completely by surprise. I was devastated and immediately convinced that our relationship needed to come to a complete stop.
That interaction took place on a Saturday night. Sunday morning, still deeply depressed by last night’s revelation, I chose to go to church. I distinctly remember thinking I could “hide” from God by sneaking in and sneaking right back out. It was as though I was afraid everyone could tell that I was struggling to make a decision when the answer was so obviously laid out for me. I have been very blessed by God to have been placed in such a wonderful church from the very beginning of my faith walk. It is the only Christian church I have ever known. Our church is non-denominational, believes every word of the bible, and deeply values community. Prayer, laying on of hands, and prophecy are also integral to the way the church operates. I was stunned and dismayed that on that particular Sunday there just so happened to be a group of believers from another church present to pray for us. My plan to sneak out unnoticed appeared to be thwarted by God. Surely, He was not going to let me leave without letting me know how foolish I would be to continue this relationship.
When the sermon ended and we stood to mingle or leave, a man from the outside prayer team immediately locked eyes with me and asked if he could pray for me. I fell back into my seat and tried to communicate through my crying that I thought I needed to break up with my atheist boyfriend. Ready to hear my thoughts confirmed I waited for him to speak. With eyes closed, one hand on me and one lifted up, he finally spoke after several agonizingly long seconds of silence. I do not remember everything he said but I distinctly remember him praying that God would grant me the ability to be an example of Christ’s love to Kevin. Those words felt like they came straight from Jesus just for me. I was astounded to hear the exact opposite of what I expected. Hope rose up in me that perhaps the affection and connection I felt for him did not have to be stifled.
That prayer marked the beginning of a nearly seven year waiting period that would end with my husband receiving salvation from Jesus Christ. I do not share this story to challenge the wisdom of avoiding being unequally yoked. Far from it. Those seven years, while wonderful in so many ways, were extremely difficult. I share this story to give my real-life example of being given a promise by God and having to endure much suffering before seeing it fulfilled (Hebrews 10:36). My aim is to encourage anyone currently believing God for something He promised them. He is faithful, He will surely do it (1 Thessa 5:4). I know this very well.
If that prayer was the spark that lit the flame of hope in me then the word God spoke over me next was the gasoline that kept my hope alive for nearly a decade. As our relationship continued to grow, our newfound differences led to heated arguments about the validity of my faith. One night, while sitting on his front porch having a particularly loud (on my part) debate, Kevin shared with me what falling away from his faith filled upbringing looked like. He described himself as the “prodigal son” (Luke 15:11). Having been fully convinced of God’s existence until a time came where he began to have too many questions and no answers. I argued that he must have never been a believer in the first place to be able to give up on God. I am not sure I still hold that arrogant belief. When the argument ended and I was left alone for a few minutes, I chose to open my bible for comfort or direction. While reading, God spoke these words over me, “God seeks what has been driven away” (Eccles 3:15). An understanding immediately washed over me. God had just given me a promise that He was coming after Kevin’s heart. I was absolutely sure of it.
Months turned into years as time continued to pass with no evidence of God moving on Kevin’s heart. During this time, I was continuing to grow in the Lord and in my knowledge of the bible. I was still regularly attending church but because of my schedule as a waitress I did not have time to get involved or connected. I had no Christian friends to share my faith with or draw strength from at the time. I had not shared God’s promise with anyone else. It was just me and my ever-increasing relationship with the Creator of Heaven and Earth. The restaurant I was working at then would become my first battleground against doubting the promise of God.
One of my coworkers was a Christian and I would occasionally discuss the things I was learning with him. He was older and seemed quite knowledgeable about the things of God and the bible. Surprisingly, it would be through this brother in Christ that doubt and despair would begin. When he learned that I was dating an unbeliever, he called it “missionary dating.” Being that I did not grow up in church or in the Christian faith, this was not a term I had heard before. He was not trying to upset me or make me doubt the promise I had; he did not even know I had any promise at all. Nonetheless, I found myself questioning whether I was wrong to continue dating an unbeliever. I agonized over this continually until a day came that I committed to end the relationship. I had no peace over this decision and was devastated again at the impending loss. I could not, however, go through with it. Instead, that night was spent eating Chinese food together and being badly beaten at checkers in the park. That night is one of my favorite memories.
Having turned back from my decision, I thought surely, I had failed God. This wiser brother in the faith pointed out what I already knew; we are not called to be unequally yoked. Yet, I had this promise from God. Fortunately, the Lord saw it fit to give me another word to hold onto. He used Acts 1:4 to reassure my heart. When I read it, it came through as, “do not depart, wait for the promise of the Father.” In the middle of another wrestle with my mind and my heart, God showed up with just the right words of encouragement.
This was a very important lesson for me to learn. The bible talks at length about community and praying for one another (James 5:6). We should lean on each other for wisdom, encouragement, and direction (1 Thessa 4:18). We are called to lovingly call out sin in each other and spur one another on towards doing good (Hebrews 10:24). It seemed foolish to me to disregard what my coworker was saying considering he was being biblically accurate. However, he did not know what I knew. I was the one with an infallible word from God. It was my responsibility to stand in faith and believe God who never lies (Hebrews 10:23). As I was reflecting on this and how best to articulate my experience, I came across 1 Corinthians 2:5. It reads, “so that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.” This verse seems particularly fitting for what I was experiencing. Jesus was teaching me to prioritize what He spoke over me directly above all else. This lesson would be the backbone of a season I am currently in. A season where I am again believing God for something He spoke over me. I have spent most of this season having to stand alone in the waiting. I can see now how the waiting season of the first promise, now fulfilled, prepared me for this one.
This is a difficult and delicate message to communicate. I do not endorse ignoring biblical truths. I never want to suggest disregarding sound wisdom from brothers and sisters in the faith, especially if their thoughts are biblically accurate. I do however want to emphatically submit standing firm in faith with any promise one has been given by God. Believing Jesus and taking Him at His word is our highest calling as Christians (John 12:44). Sometimes doing so requires enduring doubt, despair, long seasons of waiting, and being willing to stand alone (Hebrews 10:36). Sometimes other Christians will be the voice that sows doubt that pulls us away from our promise (Genesis 16:2). Sometimes our own impatience leads us to fall away and turn our back on God (Exodus 32:1). Even if those circumstances do not stop us, one must also contend with a very real enemy that seeks to ruin God’s good plans by attacking us with any number of evil schemes (2 Corinth 2:11).
Still more time passed with no indication that his salvation was near. Our relationship continued to thrive despite the realities of two imperfect people pursuing each other. The topic of my faith continued to be a contentious one whenever my beliefs were mentioned. Long car rides almost always resulted into hour long debates where I was sure to resort to yelling in anger. At some point during this time despair crept into my heart and my mind. I wanted so badly to be able to share my faith with the person I loved most. The closer I got to God the more I felt at odds with Kevin. Again, I started to doubt whether I had heard God correctly. The difficulties in our relationship that my faith produced seemed unbearable at times. God must have known that the hopelessness was becoming serious enough that I might fall away. Fortunately, in His mercy, He saw it fit to encourage me yet again. This time the word came through Hebrews 2:1 which reads, “Therefore we must pay closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it.” Just as before, God gave me exactly the right words for where I was in this journey. I had taken my eyes off of God’s promise and set my sights on the hardships I could see. I had set myself adrift but God pulled me back.
Sometime later, God gave me another word that offered me tremendous encouragement. Acts 27:25-26 reads, “So take heart, men, for I have faith in God that it will be exactly as I have been told. But we must run aground on some island.” In the passage, Paul is a prisoner on a ship that is enduring a very great storm. Despite the circumstances and the men’s fears that they would die, Paul is given a word by God that none shall perish (Acts 27:24). Although they would all survive, their hardships were not over. The ship gets wrecked and all would swim to the unknown island they found themselves at. For Paul, God’s message was literal. For me, His message was metaphorical. I would not find myself facing certain death in the middle of a storm. I would, however, have to continue to endure the trials and tribulations that would come while holding on to God’s promise to me. It may seem strange to be encouraged by the certainty of struggles but I felt better prepared to fight the doubt that would emerge due to the difficulty of standing firm. Now I could say for certain that no adverse circumstance could be used as evidence that I had gotten it all wrong. Now I knew for sure that whatever our life together looked like, it would still be exactly as I had been told.
About a year before dating Kevin, I had gone on a few dates with a Christian that seemed at face value to be exactly the kind of person I should be involved with. While listening to a Sadie Robertson Huff podcast, I heard her say that we could pray for God to end any relationship that He did not intend for us to be in. The message felt especially impactful and I prayed that night that if this person was not for me that God would take him away. What was eager communication and active pursuit of me became complete silence overnight. I found myself delighted that God would swiftly answer my prayer and save us both the time and energy. Despite being fully convinced of my promise about Kevin, I would still periodically pray that prayer about him. Though I would not have been anything remotely close to delighted if our relationship ended the same way, I still desperately wanted to be in God’s will. With my willingness to submit to God’s decision, I felt continually reassured because He had not taken Kevin away despite my prayer.
On September 6th, 2021, Kevin proposed to me and I said yes. We had previously decided that when that time came, we would elope and have a proper wedding later. On September 29th, 2021, we would be married by my neighborhood’s magistrate with just our parents in attendance. The night before we got married, I asked God one last time that if we were not supposed to be together that He should tell me and I would submit. I opened my bible feeling surprisingly afraid that my worst fear might be realized. I study the word by reading the bible front to back over and over and just happened to be in the book of Matthew. God’s response to my question came quickly through Matthew 19:6, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” My heart was flooded with joy and relief. Despite still being unequally yoked, His perfect will was that we should be married and become one flesh (Mark 10:8). The promise was still not yet realized but now I was praying for my husband.
In November of 2022, while reading my bible, God spoke to me again about Kevin’s salvation. The words came from 1 Peter where “the resurrection of Jesus Christ” is followed twice by “the revelation of Jesus Christ” all in the first chapter. Each time my eyes read over those words, the Lord spoke Kevin’s name to my heart. When God repeats Himself, we must pay close attention. I felt ecstatic at the thought that surely the day must be so close. Why else would God repeat Himself in a way He has never done with me before? At this point in our relationship, I had made peace with the idea that perhaps I would not see his conversion on this side of heaven. Although that grieved me, I knew that what mattered most was that I was assured of where he would be for eternity. I had no idea that I was about to enter the hardest season with the Lord I have ever experienced, which is still ongoing. A season where God’s intention for me was to “humble you, to test you, to do you good in the end” (Duet 8:16). This wilderness season started with a promise for something truly impossible. I was completely confident that the fulfillment of this miracle was going to be the means through which Kevin discovered that Jesus Christ is Lord. I was completely wrong. I am still waiting for the fulfillment of this promise but nearly 14 months after those repeated words by God, Kevin received the Holy Spirit through surrender.
I could have never imagined the way God would choose to bring about Kevin’s salvation. What looked like the end of our relationship turned out to be the night that would leave Kevin changed forever. The day before I had endured a series of very difficult tests which included me being willing to sell belongings and even give our beloved dog up for adoption. Mercifully, God relented of those commandments. It seemed I needed to be willing without having to fulfill the commands (Hebrews 11:17). Kevin was naturally furious with me. There were many equally dreadful tests month before that left our relationship severely damaged. Over and over again I had to obey God at the expense of relationships, my reputation, and the validity of my sanity. 2 Corinthians 5:13 says, “For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you”. Other translations state more clearly, if to the world we look crazy, it is for God. To my world, I looked crazy.
That night I had a difficult and heated discussion with Kevin and my parents about everything I had done and had been willing to do. I stood by my decisions because I knew that I had been obedient to God. What I did not understand was how God could put us through so much and bring our relationship to the brink of divorce. Why did the man that God had desired me to be married to for life have to be offered as a sacrifice on the altar of my faith? Why was He giving me commands that were sowing so much division between us? Kevin was home for some time before I left my parents that night. I continued to question and cry out to God the whole ride home. I dreaded what would be our next interaction.
Surprisingly, the house was empty when I arrived home. He walked in the door shortly after. Immediately I could tell something was different. Given the events of the past forty-eight hours, the way he was looking at me did not make sense. The hostility and devastation I experienced from him just an hour before was nowhere to be found. There was almost a warmth to him. Everything he shared with me next was mind blowing. He told me that he had taken a walk and a stranger said to him, “Hey man, this year didn’t start out too good for me but I’m going to be okay and so are you.” Kevin admitted he did not want to share that with me given how coincidental it seemed. Next, he said that he felt different, a way that he had “never felt before.” He said that given everything I had been willing to do to follow Jesus, that God won. He was not declaring faith in Christ. He was admitting defeat and shared something to the effect that if God wanted him, He could have him. Lastly, Kevin shared with me that he “felt led” to do something that he had been trying to do on his own for a long time. I had never heard him use language like that. He has not struggled with that thing since that night.
I have never experienced someone giving their life to Christ and becoming a new creation (2 Corin 5:17). I did not think that moment could happen without a bold declaration, weeping, or a silent prayer. I certainly did not think being born again could happen without the person’s knowing. The way God often does, He began to speak to me about what happened. First, I heard a testimony from a pastor while watching “Better Together” on TBN. The pastor shared how someone she was ministering to thought that she was saved her whole life but had never felt changed. The pastor felt God tell her that the woman was not actually saved, which the pastor carefully suggested. Shortly after, the woman told the pastor that while listening to worship music she found herself sobbing for no reason. This time the pastor carefully suggested that maybe she was in fact, now saved. This story made a tremendous impression on me. Next, while reading 1 Corinthians, God spoke the words “infant in Christ.” (3:1) I knew instantly that He was referring to Kevin. Additionally, God emphasized to me verse 2:14, “The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him…” Kevin’s language toward God had completely changed. He was still not speaking as one who confessed to be saved. However, God had gone from a complete impossibility to someone Kevin might accept exists. His language suggested that now God’s existence was a real possibility to him.
The final confirmation of Kevin’s salvation came while reading the bible together. That afternoon we had gone to Barnes and Noble to pick out a bible for Kevin. After some careful consideration on his part, he decided that he wanted an NLT version (I have the ESV). As if his desire to pick up a bible was not confirmation enough, God gave me a word while we conducted our first bible study together. Philemon 1:15 says, “For this is perhaps why he was parted from you for a while, that you might have him back forever…” The answer to the questions I had both angrily and tearfully been asking God. Why did He make me endure so many tests knowing they would devastate and infuriate Kevin? God knew what I did not. He knew what it would take for Kevin’s heart to be willing to receive the Holy Spirit. When I thought that everything was falling apart, God knew that it was all starting to come together.
In light of his salvation, my prayers for Kevin have had to shift. I was still praying that God would be his peace, his joy, his help. I was taken aback when God responded that He was. Now that Holy Spirit lives in him, God is his peace and joy and help in times of trouble (Psalm 28:7). I asked God for a new prayer for him. He told me to pray the Kevin would have an “unusual heart” to serve the Lord. Also, to prayer that God would chase the darkness out of him. Although Kevin now has full access to God through Jesus, there is still work to be done in his heart before he can walk in the fullness of that reality (Ezekiel 36:26-27). Receiving salvation and being sealed by the Holy Spirit as a guarantee is a moment in time for every believer (2 Corinth 1:21-22). However, sanctification, growing in the knowledge of the Lord and learning to walk in a manner pleasing to Him is a lifelong process (Collosians 1:10, 2 Peter 3:18). I may not yet see Kevin living on fire for the Lord but I have hope in the waiting. God is faithful to finish what He started (Philippians 1:6).
Despite the suffering it required, it is a privilege to be walking in the fulfillment of a promise given to me personally by the Creator of Heaven and Earth. The wait was far longer than I imagined. The trials were often seemingly greater than I could bear. The way it came to pass was not what I wanted. Yet, through it all, God came did what He said He would do. He pursued the heart of His son to bring him back home.
If you are in a waiting season and your circumstances suggest that you should give up hope, hold on. Be encouraged, God will never go back on His word (Numbers 23:19). He is completely trustworthy. He is faithful. He is able. He is still in control. His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8). When we think everything is going wrong, God knows the end from the beginning. When we think too much time has passed, God knows the time that He appointed. When we think we cannot take anymore, God is our strength and our hope (Psalm 73:26, Isaiah 41:10). If we commit to stand firm in faith and trust the God who never lies then we will see a fulfillment of what is promised to us (Exodus 14:13). My prayer for you is that this testimony will give you encouragement to continue to endure whatever you are facing in your waiting. I pray this victory will stir your faith to believe that God is still fighting for the hearts of His children.
